why.

And at the best time it possibly could have come, shavua sedach. Update: I am terrible at the starting sentence of these things, so yes, broke all the laws and started with And; get over it Elise. Returning to what I’m talking about that no body has any clue what it is.

Shavua Sedach: The week of training where you do no training, you do tours, talk, lessons and really get to know everybody.

Unfortunatly because of some big wig (Obama) that was in Jerusalem, we only did one outside tours infact didn’t even go to the Kotel (wailing wall), but ultimately it didn’t matter.  

One of the main topics of the week was conflicting values. The issues that occur when your self-values conflict with orders. This is apparently extremely relevant for us when working on the border.  It was interesting to see the honest opinions of everybody. I say honest not because it usually isn’t (absolutely not...i assume everyone is always honest!) Rather, I say honest, because everybody and I mean everybody really opened up. Got to hear many opinions that I didn’t believe excisted, opinions that agreed with my own and some which were somewhere in the middle. 

An example of something that got us talking for hours was the issue of what/who is Israeli. Or more correctly, Israeli vs Jewish.  I was incredibly surprised to hear that a few people thought that leaving Israel for more than a holiday meant that you were no longer Israeli. Even if you were born here, grew up here, did Army service here and then left suddenly you’re no longer Israeli. Just for front I disagreed.  In their eyes also I am Israeli, made aliyah (everyone assumes I have, even though they know I haven’t), serving the country in Combat. Actually, that was another massive talk of the week. Why each of us chose to serve Combat (because all the girls chose it), and what about people that don’t do service when they are mentally and physically able. 

The week really kicked up a notch when we watched the video of Michael Levin. For those who don’t’ know who he was a quick update. Michael Levin, an American who made Aliyah and joined the Parachuters unit in the IDF. When the second Lebanon war began he was at home for his month holiday with his family, this would not do for him. He didn’t feel comfortable not fighting with his brothers. He did everything to be with them. Infact the Army didn’t want to let him back. Told him to wait. Like me, he didn’t like not to get his way when it was something important and so nuddered. He was killed in Combat.  If you’ve got time (50mins) I recommend watching his video, believe his Parents made it, well worth the time.

This talk, followed by a real long think and talk about why I personally chose to up and leave my birth country to enlist and serve in the IDF was exactly what I needed. I explained a little in my last blog that lately I’ve been having a bit of a hard time. To explain, would have been a hard time no matter my surroundings. Simply all bad things that could happen happened, at once. I had talked to my Mefakedet Machlaka (from now on known as Zeldes – tell that story later) and said I needed a break. Explained to her everything and her advice was to separate. That  it’s hard to continue when horrible things are happening and as impossible as it sounds to just disconnect I must try to do just that. To separate home life from army life and when I’m in the here, simply be here. I rightly told her she was crazy, that it was impossible and that I needed a long long break.   Sadly enough, she was correct. (sad because that meant I wasn’t…)

The last week really let me remember  why I came here in the first place. It made me remember those strong feelings that had begun to get buried by my current depressed ones.

For that I’m very glad, because I haven’t been the soldier I know I can be. I haven’t pushed 100% like I should, have been in a sort of cloud of half-assedness (thanks Dad, for the perfect phrase).  That I did everything to enlist in August, that I nuddered the true Louise way and that no part of me doesn’t want to be here. This is the life (well, few years) I chose and I do want to be here. 

But I disagree with former Louise. Used to say that my service wouldn’t make a difference. That I will be just another soldier, that I’m doing this for me and my values. Well no. I can make a difference. Me being here means one more to take the load and because of that I need to be the best I can be.

 

Got off Friday morning (may have gotten a day punishment….everyone else left Thursday night). Yes, so here’s the story:  for a negev I always carry a spare spout (not sure how you’d call the kansap, front of the gun) and my night vision equipment. Yeah super cool right, I have night vision!! Well while we were doing activities (chulia…hard to explain) I left them at the Mazzin (24/7 someone is guarding the area, in this case the shooting range area), and then we were given 5 minutes to run to camp (about 600m away) and change into running shoes for a run (I believe I boasted already about my run with the negev). Well anyway I forgot my kansap and night vision.  Was lucky I forgot it at the mazzin. PHEW.  Anyway it meant that instead of getting of Thursday afternoon I got off Friday morning.

Did a large amount of sleeping, hanging out with friends and cuddling with the cute cat and then topped it off with Pesach Seder.  Had at Carmit’s house (Gali’s mother). Was with humoungous amounts of food. I’m talking enough for another 5 families. Not five people, 5 families! Was all in Hebrew (duh), and I was assured that it wasn’t me, nobody understands it.  Was a lovely night followed by a 11 hour sleep.

Today Aviva and I (yes I slept at Aviva’s) went around Jaffa. Timed it perfectly, afternoon when it wasn’t too hot, weren’t too many people. But still lovely.

That takes us to now. Tomorrow I go back to the army for a week and then another 6 days off. YES.